Favorite Quote from Samy

1) Samy Velu on pos laju "BESOK KIRIM, HARI INI SAMPAI"

2) On TV when he was trying to say he is ashamed, "Kemaluan
saya besar"

3) On drugs, "Jangan hisap dada"

4) Samy said in a ceramah "Kita akan bina satu jambatan untuk
orong-orong kampong disini", one pakcik asked, "Datuk, sini takde
sungai,buat apa bina jambatan?" and Samy glorious replied,"Kalau takde sungai, kita bina
sungai!"

5) Samy's favorite quote on national television "Toll naik sikit, manyak
marah saya. You ingat semua ini toll saya punya bapa punya kah!"

6) During the water shortage crisis : "semua orang diminta jgn membuang
aiyerr..!"

7) During blood donation campaign in Sg Siput: "..marilah kita semua
menderma dara.."

8) During the opening speech of various function: "...selamat datang
saudara-mara semua.." (actually is "saudara-saudari")

9) At an opening ceremony: "mempersilakan datin paduka rafidah aziz naik
ke pentas utk membuka kain"

10)Commenting about his modesty: "sebenarnya, kemaluan saya
sangat-sangat besar"

And lastly u know why our N-S Highway concessionaire is named PLUS.

PLUS = Pungut Lebih Untuk Samy

（source: forwarded mail)

Singapore Jokes

Story 1
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?
Ah Chek : Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up
to the 'nee'(breast) one.

Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it
to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car
to his girlfriend. 'This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!'
'Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!' said Ah Lian.
'Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!'
So Ah Lian said, 'Let me try! I wan, I wan!'
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the &
accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
'Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah!
Wah Piang eh!' screamed Ah Beng.
'Solee, solee, pai sei lah! No lah, I tot hor, 'R' for racing mah!'*


Story 3
The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats.
So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters
to make room for women and children.
To the British he said. 'You must act like gentlemen.' They jumped.
To the Americans he said, 'You can be heroes.' They complied.
To the Germans he said, 'It's the rule.' They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said,' It's the consensus.' They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up
with the appeal: 'Free life jackets for those who jumped.'


Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect
underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah! Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.


Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the
DJ to play the song 'Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti' (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys
bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to
re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a
bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene
in order to calm them down. Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, the
manager found out that Ah Bengs actually asking for the song 'Unchained
Melody' by the Righteous Brothers.

Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to get
down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see the
number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they not
English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G
mean. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally
reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the
first Ah Lian, 'Wah low!!!, how you know one?' The first Ah Lian reply
smugly, 'Easy lah.. G for Gero mah...'


Story 7
Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided to
apply for a job in the most prestigious 'Lee & Lee Law Firm'
During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for
a while and said, 'Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife.'
And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. Lee KY's wife
said, 'C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames
beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!'
So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request for
another interview and Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you
that we only hire.......'
when Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I know, I know. I have just
changed my name.
Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, 'What is your new name
then?'
On this, Santa Singh replied, 'Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!' (Manga-Lee)

TO THE MARRIED FOLKS, and a preview to the not-married ones!

Have a laugh Guys and Girls who can handle this too...


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Who you are speaks louder to me than anything you can say

At the beginning of my 8:00 a.m. class one Monday at University of Nevada, Las Vegas (UNLV), I cheerfully asked my students how their weekend had been. One young man said that his weekend had not been very good. He’d had his wisdom teeth extracted. The young man then proceeded to ask me why I always seemed to be so cheerful. His question reminded me of something I'd read somewhere before: “Every morning when you get up, you have a choice about how you want to approach life that day,” I said to the young man. “I choose to be cheerful". “Let me give you an example,” I continued.

The other sixty students in the class ceased their chatter and began to listen to our conversation. “In addition to teaching here at UNLV, I also teach out at the community college in Henderson, about seventeen miles down the freeway from where I live. One day a few weeks ago I drove those seventeen miles to Henderson. I exited the freeway and turned onto College Drive. I only had to drive another quarter-mile down the road to the college. But just then my car died. I tried to start it again, but the engine wouldn’t turn over. So I put my flashers on, grabbed my books, and marched down the road to the college.

“As soon as I got there I called AAA and asked them to send a tow truck. The secretary in the Provost's office asked me what had happened. ‘This is my lucky day,’ I replied, smiling. “‘Your car breaks down and today is your lucky day?’ She was puzzled. ‘What do you mean?’

“‘I live seventeen miles from here.’ I replied. ‘My car could have broken down anywhere along the freeway. It didn't. Instead, it broke down in the perfect place: off the freeway, within walking distance of here. I'm still able to teach my class, and I've been able to arrange for the tow truck to meet me after class. If my car was meant to break down today, it couldn't have been arranged in a more convenient fashion.’ “The secretary's eyes opened wide, and then she smiled. I smiled back and headed for class.” So ended my story to the students in my economics class at UNLV.

I scanned the sixty faces in the lecture hall. Despite the early hour, no one seemed to be asleep. Somehow, my story had touched them. Or maybe it wasn't the story at all. In fact, it had all started with a student's observation that I was cheerful. A wise man once said, “Who you are speaks louder to me than anything you can say.” I suppose it must be so.

Author: Lee Ryan Miller - story from his book "Teaching Amidst the Neon Palm Trees"

A breakup is not as preposterous today as it was back then. Yeah, right!

Home Improvement

A sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed.
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Use empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords. It keeps them neat and you can write on the roll what appliance it belongs to.
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For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: Get warm water and put Dawn dish washing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They won’t refreeze.

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To remove old wax from a glass candle holder - Put it in the freezer for a few hours. Then take the candle holder out and turn it upside down. The wax will fall out. =============================================================
Crayon marks on walls? This works wonderfully! Use a damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes off with little effort (elbow grease, that is!).
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Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!) - Put rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
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Whenever you purchase a box of S.O.S pads, immediately take a pair of scissors and cut each pad into half. It is more economical. A box of S.O.S pads will last indefinitely! In fact, the scissors get “sharpened” that way!
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Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. Works every time! (Now, where to put the body?) ===========================================================
Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. Then you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don’t wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.

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Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any ! room to create a lovely light scent in each room when the light is turned on. ====================================
Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.

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Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning. ==========================================================
To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! Works like a charm!
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To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan. Bring to a boil on stove top.

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Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces. No stains. ===========================================================
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. ===========================================================
When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn’s natural sweetness. ===========================================================
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half, and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
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Don’t throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces… Left over wine? What’s that?
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To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area and you will experience instant relief .
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Ants, ants, ants everywhere . Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So, get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march. See for yourself. ===========================================================
Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine. ====================================================
When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, and then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily. ==============================================

Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer…

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Clean a toilet.

Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.
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Clean a vase.

To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.
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Polish jewelry.

Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes. =============================================================
Clean a thermos bottle.

Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
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Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes and then run the hot water. ============================================================
Burn your fingers? Pour soy sauce over it and the burning sensation will immediately stop (and you have a good chance of not blistering, too.) I don’t know why, but it just works.

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It's a Dog!! Not a Towel !‏

At first look at it, really thought that's a tower! haha.