Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Singapore Jokes

Story 1
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?
Ah Chek : Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up
to the 'nee'(breast) one.

Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it
to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car
to his girlfriend. 'This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!'
'Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!' said Ah Lian.
'Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!'
So Ah Lian said, 'Let me try! I wan, I wan!'
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the &
accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
'Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah!
Wah Piang eh!' screamed Ah Beng.
'Solee, solee, pai sei lah! No lah, I tot hor, 'R' for racing mah!'*


Story 3
The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats.
So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters
to make room for women and children.
To the British he said. 'You must act like gentlemen.' They jumped.
To the Americans he said, 'You can be heroes.' They complied.
To the Germans he said, 'It's the rule.' They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said,' It's the consensus.' They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up
with the appeal: 'Free life jackets for those who jumped.'


Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect
underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah! Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.


Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the
DJ to play the song 'Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti' (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys
bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to
re-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a
bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene
in order to calm them down. Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, the
manager found out that Ah Bengs actually asking for the song 'Unchained
Melody' by the Righteous Brothers.

Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to get
down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see the
number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they not
English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G
mean. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally
reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the
first Ah Lian, 'Wah low!!!, how you know one?' The first Ah Lian reply
smugly, 'Easy lah.. G for Gero mah...'


Story 7
Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided to
apply for a job in the most prestigious 'Lee & Lee Law Firm'
During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for
a while and said, 'Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife.'
And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife. Lee KY's wife
said, 'C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames
beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!'
So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and request for
another interview and Lee KY said, 'Look Santa, I have already told you
that we only hire.......'
when Santa Singh interrupted him and said, 'I know, I know. I have just
changed my name.
Lee K Y looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, 'What is your new name
then?'
On this, Santa Singh replied, 'Surname Lee, Last name, Manga!' (Manga-Lee)

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